15. ADHD Chat: Males with ADHD 1

Males have extreme difficulties with accepting their ADHD. The stereotypic male is one who does not admit or accept weakness. There have been attempts to de-emphasize “macho” stereotypes, but honestly most of us guys still accept some portions of it. I'm a baby boomer and I definitely got a lot of encouragement to deny my emotions when growing up. The old "don't let them see you cry, get up and get back in the game" and other warrior-type advice was frequently given to children of my generation. Judging by what I see in my office and what I see in society as a whole, this kind of thing is still happening. The biggest problems are denying your problems, not accepting help,  or not accepting your symptoms as being a neurologic condition beyond your control.

ADHD males frequently do not accept their symptoms as being the result of a neurologic condition. Instead, they look at difficulties with completing tasks or starting projects as their fault. Instead of seeing an opportunity to get treatment, they see a reason to be ashamed of themselves. They then tend to label themselves as “weak or stupid or lazy” and sometimes even “crazy.”

Another stereotypical male problem is not being able to accept help. They see accepting any professional help as a sign of weakness and something else to be ashamed of. This is still fairly typical of males. It is worse in the case of first-responder type males – police, fireman, EMTs, pilots and military members. I was a psychologist in the Air Force and we had to make separate charts for mental health notes and only put vague notes in the standard military healthcare chart because having gone to the mental health clinic was seen as being a “career-ender.”

I have also seen evidence that sometimes civilian companies are not all that sensitive to mental health issues. I know many ADHDers working civilian jobs who will not tell their bosses about their ADHD for fear of negative repercussions. While legally there is no way that a company can punish an employee for having ADHD, there are a lot of ways of making life difficult for an ADHD employee that are impossible to prove. So while we know that legally an ADHD employee can request accommodations for his ADHD, I always made it a point to tell them to be cautious and check things out in their company before requesting accommodations.

An added problem for ADHD males is the tendency of males to be lone wolves. Loneliness in males is a more common occurrence - especially for ADHD males, because they have difficulty sustaining relationships and are more likely to be older bachelors. They also are frequently bad at keeping their lives together and organized.

Suicide is a more significant issue for ADHD males than for non-ADHD males. When you have ADHD, your brain is not the brain that society is designed for. We have no real accommodations that make life easier for ADHD. We have tons of people who don't even believe ADHD is a real thing. We have a predisposition for expecting males to be stoics and always be strong.  In addition, past a certain age, ADHD males tend to become more isolated because they have difficulty sustaining relationships and sustaining steady employment, so they might not have emotional support to help them. This is the time when they start considering suicide.

The typical school and most white-collar jobs are designed for non-ADHD people.The common requirement in school to sit quietly for six hours a day  and listen to lectures is agony for an ADHD person. Some jobs are even worse, requiring and expecting no physical activity all day long. Society further trains males to take responsibility and frankly not make a fuss or admit weakness, so they don’t even ask for accommodations to help them do their jobs more easily.

The best treatment modalities appear to be group-oriented treatment. Some of the most commonly available groups are treatment groups for substance abuse of various kinds. These groups are accepting, confidential and open to all. Therefore they are ideal for an ADHD male. Alcoholics Anonymous is probably the best known treatment group. For ADHD males without substance abuse issues, standard psychotherapeutic groups with a skilled therapist may be the best option.

I recently completed a multiple podcast series on females with ADHD. Both genders have difficulties dealing with ADHD. Both have to deal with societal expectations. Both have to deal with their emotional and physiological responses. There are no quick fixes or magic solutions. Being resilient, accepting your situation logically without blame or shame, and then proceeding to adapt and adjust is your best approach.  Find out what works best for you and keep using it.

Thanks for reading and let's make the world safe for ADHD!

Visit my website at terrygingrasphd.com to learn more about Dr. G and my ADHD coaching services. 

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DrG